#1
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Hi,
My son is 13, he is currently attending a MLD SEN school, but is due to change to a SLD SEN school after easter. Ive been aware of this situation on and off for a couple of years and it was me that eventually said I think the time has come to move him. He is being left behind socially and I feel he needs to be around other children like him. The new school he will be moving too he will be one of the higher achievers where as the school he is at now he is one of the lower achievers.

I have currently been off work sick for the last 6wks with a shoulder injury and I feel that this physical injury has given me too much time to think about the future and has impacted enormously on my mental state. I feel that I am grieving again, I haven't done this since his diagnosis 8years ago. I love him to bits and only want whats best for him. So why am I so upset.

He is very hormonal at the moment and is very aggressive with it. I work in the field so know all the rewards, sanctions, this first then that kind of approaches and nothing seems to be working. I filled a CAF form in with his learning mentor in January and nobody wants to take it on. My mind keeps wondering what things will be like when he is 20, 30, 40 and so on and what will hapen to him when Im gone. I know I am torturing myself, my family feel helpless as they don't know how to help me and I don't know how to help myself. Im a single mum, but i get respite when he goes to stay with his dad. But when he kicks off Im here on my own and he is getting big. Sorry I seem to have gone off topic abit here.
#2
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hiya
it sounds like you are stuck in a vicious circle, being off work has given you time to overthink things that you know deep down you are doing the right thing for your son which in turn is making you anxious which probably your son is picking up on and showing you how he feels in only way he knows which is to have a meltdown which makes you feel anxious and overthinking things Smile
saying this as it sounds like we were last year and as soon as we sorted out problems and chilled out more matts aggression suddenly calmed down, we still get it but not daily like we were and the more i was being attacked the more wound up i got and the more stressed hubby got which meant matt got stressed as he seemed to blame himself in a way for the situation
i take it that you have visited the school and know that its the best place for your son? he is only 13 and if its not suitable then you can look into alternatives there is time. I do worry about when matt is older (he is nearly 18) and used to worry constantly when he was younger as i have no family who would be able to look after him when we are gone but as he has got older he has become more independant even though he always needs someone with him he is accepting its not always mum or dad and is happy with that as he enjoys the company of his peers more now than when he was younger as he prefered adults. he goes to a residential unit for respite and the little monster comes back and fills his diary when he wants to go again so it makes me feel better that barring an accident that wipes out the whole family bar matt he will be somewhere that he is happy and continue to progress perhaps even more than if he is still at home when he is 30. so guess what i do now is take it a couple of years at a time because things change all the time and nobody knows what he will be like in 3 yrs never mind 15
corinne
There comes a point in your life when you realize:Who matters,Who never did,Who won't anymore...And who always will..
So, don't worry about people from your past,there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
#3
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(04-04-2011, 08:09 PM)corinne Wrote: hiya
it sounds like you are stuck in a vicious circle, being off work has given you time to overthink things that you know deep down you are doing the right thing for your son which in turn is making you anxious which probably your son is picking up on and showing you how he feels in only way he knows which is to have a meltdown which makes you feel anxious and overthinking things Smile
saying this as it sounds like we were last year and as soon as we sorted out problems and chilled out more matts aggression suddenly calmed down, we still get it but not daily like we were and the more i was being attacked the more wound up i got and the more stressed hubby got which meant matt got stressed as he seemed to blame himself in a way for the situation
i take it that you have visited the school and know that its the best place for your son? he is only 13 and if its not suitable then you can look into alternatives there is time. I do worry about when matt is older (he is nearly 18) and used to worry constantly when he was younger as i have no family who would be able to look after him when we are gone but as he has got older he has become more independant even though he always needs someone with him he is accepting its not always mum or dad and is happy with that as he enjoys the company of his peers more now than when he was younger as he prefered adults. he goes to a residential unit for respite and the little monster comes back and fills his diary when he wants to go again so it makes me feel better that barring an accident that wipes out the whole family bar matt he will be somewhere that he is happy and continue to progress perhaps even more than if he is still at home when he is 30. so guess what i do now is take it a couple of years at a time because things change all the time and nobody knows what he will be like in 3 yrs never mind 15
corinne


Thanx Corinne, I have been and looked at the new school 3 times now, once on my own, once with my ex and once with Jack. I think it is the right place for him, and i think he will cope with the transition well. I am hoping that alot of his behaviour is linked to the fact that he's no longer coping at the school he is currently at and the change in environment will make a difference to him. His meltdowns are when he heres something he doesn't want to hear. Normally school time, teeth time or something similar, and then he just lashes out. He always appologises but then does it again. I sometimes think that he just knows he has to say the word sorry after he's hit, kicked etc but doesn't understand what it actually means.

I feel that in my head I know i'm over thinking things and torturing myself, All my life I have avoided support groups etc as rather than preparing myself for whats to come I would rather take it a day at a time and not think about what the future may or may not hold. But being off work and being laid up poorly has made me have to think about these things and now I can't stop thinking. I am on the mend physically now. Although work in a school so although I prob only need another week off Ive got another 3 weeks due to easter. Which is even more thinking time. By the time I get back to work I can see me being even more of an emotionally wreck and having to go off with stress. Which really isn't what I need. My doctor hasn't been very helpful. Just told me to ring social services, but we all know its not that simple to get help. Anyway sorry Im rambelling now. The link to education is the change of school has set me off grieving.
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Hi,
We had the same when my daughter changed education. She had always gone to a mainstream school with a special unit attached.Her learning difficulties meant 6 form wouldn't be an option for her as her peers were far ahead of her socially as well as educationally. Suddenly it was suggested that we look into a residential place for her at 16.This came as a bit of a shock. I think I had buried my head in the sand not wanting to think about what happens next. We found a college for the serverely physically disabled. Not thinking that she would be accecpted, but she was. I was very anti her going at first wasn't sure it was right for her also because it was 60 miles from where we live.
Now she is in her second year she has decided only to come home some weekends and holidays, not every weekend because she loves it so much. It is hard as a parent to know if you are doing the right thing. I cried for ages when she went but it is all part of growing up as best she can.
As for when she is older are currently looking into supported living for her. I hope things go as well for you.
jools xx
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(04-05-2011, 06:34 AM)joolsand3 Wrote: Hi,
We had the same when my daughter changed education. She had always gone to a mainstream school with a special unit attached.Her learning difficulties meant 6 form wouldn't be an option for her as her peers were far ahead of her socially as well as educationally. Suddenly it was suggested that we look into a residential place for her at 16.This came as a bit of a shock. I think I had buried my head in the sand not wanting to think about what happens next. We found a college for the serverely physically disabled. Not thinking that she would be accecpted, but she was. I was very anti her going at first wasn't sure it was right for her also because it was 60 miles from where we live.
Now she is in her second year she has decided only to come home some weekends and holidays, not every weekend because she loves it so much. It is hard as a parent to know if you are doing the right thing. I cried for ages when she went but it is all part of growing up as best she can.
As for when she is older are currently looking into supported living for her. I hope things go as well for you.
jools xx

Thank-you Jools, its good to know that others have been there and got through it. I suppose I know I will get through it, it just feels like ive got a huge mountain to climb at the minuite and I don't want to climb it. xxx


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