#1
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Hi All,

We are planning to adopt a child to give him/her a loving home and also our globally delayed son a sibling. My husband and I have had long discussions on how it would be. Pros and cons etc. Was wondering if anyone on this site has adopted a child after knowing their own is disabled.


It would be nice to know how the relationship goes.

Thanks
#2
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(03-28-2011, 06:47 AM)Nits Wrote: Hi All,

We are planning to adopt a child to give him/her a loving home and also our globally delayed son a sibling. My husband and I have had long discussions on how it would be. Pros and cons etc. Was wondering if anyone on this site has adopted a child after knowing their own is disabled.


It would be nice to know how the relationship goes.

Thanks


Hi,
We haven't adopted but we are planning to. We did get in touch with the adoption service at the beginning of this year but they suggested we waited till Jasmine (our daughter) was 4 (which will be this august). The reason being that by law if you've got any other children in your family, the child you can adopt has to be minimum of 2 years younger than your youngest child. So at the moment we could adopt a child in between 1-2 years old and these Children are most wanted by adopters so the waiting list is loooooong. When Jasmine's gona be 4 then there's more chance to find a suitable child for us. As the procedure might take up to a year we can then adopt a child between 2 and 3, which is what we'd like anyway. We just feel like we don't have the energy to have a baby as Jasmine does need us to do lots for her. But Jasmine loves Children, she loves her school because she's got all her friends there but at home she gets a bit naughty because she gets bored I think. Any time we have friends over with Children she's over the moon, giggling, squeeling, wiggling on the floor - so she sooo needs a little sister or brother Smile And we'd love to have another child & we don't mind if he/she won't be biologically ours Smile
#3
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Yes we are in the same situation. We do not think we will be able to manage having another baby as my son needs us to engage him full time. He too loves school and is now slowly interacting with other Children in park as well. He will be 4 in july. Which adoption agency did u contact. Is it a very long winded and expensive process. Also I'm not sure if it's going to be very easy for us to find a child because for our ethnicity as most of the websites I checked need the parents to be the same cultural background as the child.
#4
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Hi there,

I’ve adopted a child but in different circumstances. I was a single parent for over 13 yrs with 2 boys (now 15 & 17). My youngest has NF1 with associated ASD & ADHD, an optic nerve glioma & dyspraxia. He also has a Chiari malformation & had brain surgery in Feb 07, he has regular MRIs as he will need more surgery. Despite my repeated head banging on brick walls, he wasn’t diagnosed with any of it until he was 10. My oldest lad became very ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome 5 yrs ago & missed 5 yrs of school, he also needs quite a lot of extra care.

I met my husband Eric in Nov 06, he had a 2½ yr old son (Charlie) & was a widower. Right from the start I made it very clear exactly what my children’s difficulties were and that he would be taking on a hell of a lot. His own son had GDD and had no speech & was barely walking when I first met him. By Jan 07 Eric had moved in with us & we got married in April 07. Since then I have adopted my step-son & Eric has adopted my oldest lad. My youngest boy didn’t want to be adopted. We had to wait until we had been together a year before we could start the adoption process in Jan 08 & I adopted my stepson in summer 08. At the same time my husband adopted my oldest lad & they have a very good relationship.

My relationship with my stepson is very good but I did initially put a lot of effort into creating a bond by doing extra things with him, taking him with me if I went out, etc. My other lad has found it all very difficult to cope with & his relationship with Eric is not great. I find this hard as it causes a lot of stress but he was just as difficult before I met Eric, he just directed his anger at me instead. His relationship with his older brother is not great but it never has been, relationships are just something he finds hard to manage.

My oldest lad gets on great with the little one but things are often difficult between the other two. My lad is often jealous of Charlie, there are a lot of silly arguments and I don’t leave them alone together as they both tell tales to get each other into trouble. Things have improved with support from CAMHS though it’s a slow process.

I have to say that I found the whole adoption process very difficult, it made me quite ill for a few months. Even though we were just adopting each other’s children, the social worker wanted to know absolutely everything about us which brought up some very upsetting stuff. My GP was off sick & another Dr did the medical report on me & suggested I wasn’t well enough to care for a child due to my own disability which completely floored me – I’d been looking after my boys for years while they ignored my youngest child’s obvious problems & some Dr who didn’t even know me had the cheek to say I wasn’t good enough!! I was also worried what else would come up from the extended family interviews, they spoke to my family, Eric’s family & Charlie’s mother’s family who found it very hard to deal with.
Due to our situation I just rang local children’s services & spoke to a social worker who asked some questions and passed a referral on to the agency that handles social services adoptions in this area. There were no expenses involved.

My one bit of advice is to go into this with your eyes wide open to all the possibilities, both good & bad. It can be a very stressful & difficult process though very worthwhile in the end. Good luck with it.
#5
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(03-28-2011, 10:33 AM)Nits Wrote: Yes we are in the same situation. We do not think we will be able to manage having another baby as my son needs us to engage him full time. He too loves school and is now slowly interacting with other Children in park as well. He will be 4 in july. Which adoption agency did u contact. Is it a very long winded and expensive process. Also I'm not sure if it's going to be very easy for us to find a child because for our ethnicity as most of the websites I checked need the parents to be the same cultural background as the child.


I actually went on our council website and got in touch with their Adoption Service. They said it may take about a year, depends on how long will it take to do the backround searches and so on. But quite often if you've got a child with special needs social services already know about you a bit. They need to interview few people who know you well, also your childs school. You need to go to some sort of adoption 'course' which is I think week or two long and when after this you're still sure you want to adopt then they'll start with looking into your backroung and so on. After they've done the backround searches, interviews and accept you as a suitable family to adopt it may take weeks or months to find you a suitable child. When you say you think it's difficult to find you a child because of your ethnicity.. I'm sure they're not too stubborn - most important should be the fact that you can provide a child a loving family.. Good luck Smile x


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