#1
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Hi, well i have 3 daughters, the middle one who is 4 and a half has ASD. She didnt strt talking until she was 3 (and then it was copying words), and then she started in mainstream nursery full time last year, which i was really worried about as she wasnt talking and wasnt toilet trained and i just thought she wouldnt cope with all the people, but she proved me wrong! Her speech is brilliant now compared to when she started there, although no where near where she should b for this age still. She loved nursery and used to cry if she couldnt go, because we had appointments or things like that! She also, since starting nursery we have found out, has selective mutism and didnt talk at all at nursery. She is still not completely toilet trained but is getting there slowly. So because she did so well in nursery we were then advised (well really i would say pushed rather than advised really) to send her to mainstream school, the same one as her older sister is at. We did go to see a local special school that specialises in ASDs and we really liked it there, but when we told the professionals they said she doesnt need to be at special school, so we applied for a statement for her and got it very easily (we were expecting to fight for it!), and told by people involved with her to name the mainstream school, obviouosly we are not experienced so we did what they said thinking they knew best. She ha now been in mainstream school since September and is not doing very well. SHe is crying every morning and screaming at me that she doesnt want to go to school, when i have asked her why she comes up with both 'silly' reasons and reasons that could be really worrying her, she doesnt want people to hit her (but she says they dont), she doesnt want people to throw sand (but she says they dont), but also its too noisy and the lights hurt her eyes. She has just learnt to write her name (which is great) but is not learning the letters of the alphabet too well. The school think she is doing ok and dont see any problem (she is still selectively mute in school too) but i can see alot of problems, including lots i havent put on here, as i have just realised how long this post has got!!! We phoned parent partnership yesterday and they said they will help us out, they are going to find out some information and get back to us next week, so im hoping we are now going in the right direction and can get the help she needs, as she is not getting enough support at school and is not doing any where near as well as school think she is.
#2
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Its very frustrating isn't it when the school say they are doing 'ok' but want to wait until it gets worse before acting whereas as a parent we want to act now before it gets any worse! The difficulty is, once in mainstream it is alot harder to move to a special school than going from a special school to mainstream. Its awful that everything in life comes down to cost when all we want is the best for our children!

Lucy xx
#3
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can i ask what band statement she is in and if she has a diagnosis for her ASD?

my son is going to be 6 very soon, he was in a special nursery (actually its not classed as a special nursery but in every way it is down to specialist teaching and trained staff and the level of care for those who need it). he went with terrible behaviours and communicated in headbanging and grunts and at 2 1/2 i was crying myself to sleep about where i had gone wrong as a parent. after so long at this nusery he improved and they made me see it wasnt me and we quickly started the assesments. we tried for a statement but they wouldnt give it until he had tried mainstream nursery - so we did and it was awful. the way they treated my son, i told them time and time again that he needs a lot of adult support and they said 'yeah, sure. we will try that' but at the end of setting only to be told 'oh, we dont have time for that'. on a morning other Children would call my son names and taugnt him, and i cried about it and the same teacher reassured me he had friends and not to worry about it. then at the end of the session she told me bluntly that he had no friend because he poked them to get their attention. because he couldnt talk it was his own fault. and then she started to poke me and say would you like to this to happen to you??? i wish i had gone to the headteacher thinking back now as it was one long line of 'dont bring him if he hasnt had any sleep (which was often) and they banned him from wearing his favourite boot incase he kicked the children who was tormenting him. mostly i just kept him off and then in his review meeting the same teachers turned it on me about his attendance. it was a kick in the teeth at a very already hard time in my life. my son still went on in the same school but i was very verbal about these teachers and how they treated my son.

before he was due to start full time i was given no indication he would get any support and i had to contact parent partnership. they called me over the hoildays to say he was getting some one - to - one but not sure how much. he got full time help and it was great the things they were doing with him. and the same children who called him names were lining up to be his friend and he has got popular throughout the school, everyone goes out of their way to say hi to him and give him a high five - my son has no clue who they are though lol. but other than his speech improving he hasnt actually learnt anything academically. he cant hold a pencil properly, he cant write his name, he cant sit still, he hasnt the even basic listening skills, he only understands one key word in a sentence, he will do the things he wants to do, he cant count to 4. but he can build models in construction and talk about them at great length and adapt them when he changes his idea, he can use the cbeebies and playhouse disney website without much help, he is really good at turning things into planes. he loves who he is and everything is about him and hes very confident. but i cannot put him above a 3 year old child and he going to be 6. he has an arm long list of autistic traits but no diagnosis 'yet' because im already collecting info on why i know he has asd.

so what is your next planned step, i wouldnt worry about long posts i dont think any of us could describe what things are really like in a short post.
#4
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Hi, right first of all im all new to this and dont really understand statementing and that sort of thing, so where would it say what band statement she has? (maybe im being stupid but i honestly havent got a clue). Yes she does have a diagnosis, she was diagnosed a couple of months before she turned 3, so we were really lucky that she had it so early, we got loads of help before she started nursery but since starting at nursery, and now at school it seems she hardley gets anything.
Next step is to wait for parent partnership to get back in touch and then we are having a meeting at school, not this week the week after, as they review everyone with SEN in that week, where we are going to tell them exactly how we feel so they know we are not too happy at the moment and see how it goes. The thing that bothers me alot is that when we were asked to name the school on the statement i would of loved to put the special school i went to see before but we had a meeting with the mainstream school (which we know them anyway as my older daughter goes there, and is doing brilliantly) and said to them, this is what her needs are, this is what she will need help with and things like that and they said yes we will accept her and try the best we can before thinking of sending her to the special school, and it honestly doesnt seem like they are doing their best.
#5
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has your daughter made any progress at the mainstream school? my son had the best support i could have wished for last school year, then this school year the senco changed the staff around and he didnt get any. it took me 7 weeks to get to the bottom of it - they tried to tell me he was doing fine and i asked them in the end well whats he learnt and then they had to say nothing. the senco didnt make any special provisions for him even though he had a statement saying he should have specialist teaching to access learning. then when i went to her and quizzed her about it she pointed fingers of blame at his teacher. and i got sick of her smirking at me like i was stupid so i spelled it out for her 'THAT HE JUST DOESNT HAVE LEARNING DIFFICULTIES - HE HAS A FORM OF BRAIN DAMAGE'. in the end the headteacher came to me to say maybe he should go to a special school, then when she phoned up the education board she said that she wasnt allowed to say what she did and it has to be my decision to move him.

i will have to look again at the statement - they are really hard to read. maybe you should go in to school and ask her teacher to take you through her indivdual learning plan, or to take you through her usual day. ask to look at her work. i suppose if you can prove that she isnt learning you will have a good arguement at your upcoming meeting. have you visited any special schools or units?


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