#6
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[quote='Shelley' pid='43' dateline='1255181252']
My eldest son with Autism is 7 year's old and he is so violent its becoming a major concern to me.


Hi.

We had this problem, and my heart goes out to you.

Our son was very violent and at the age of 7, family and work friends thought I was a victim of domestic abuse. I was in a way, but not from my hubby!
My son is now nearly an adult and he is doing very well. He lives away from home with 24/7 care and we see him every weekend and every holiday. His behaviour now is very very good, with only a few major outbursts.
To get to this place in our lives, we went to hell and then back.

We... had assessments done where a stranger was with us for most of the day for a whole week to see for themselves what he was like.
We... got the doctors to log every bruise and nasty injury.
We.. phoned the community police officer to discuss the problem and to put it on file incase we HAD to dial 999 for help.
We... photographed all the damage done to our home ( there was a lot).
We... kept a diary for 18 months of ALL incidents.
We... tried medication for our son.
We.... used all the respite we could get and paid what we could afford to get extra.

We did all this to MAKE social services take us seriously and help us.
#7
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hi shelly
im in a simular situation here and looking for advice too
my son is 3 now and to everyone else hes a little angel but he can be so violent mainly towards me and his brother, he headbutts me and quite ofter throw things at his brother. he attacked my other son witha cup hit him over the head and has tried various other things
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#8
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violence is a part of our daily lives, my son who is 6 can attack over just walking in front of the tv. it is usually his older brother who ends up being bited, kicked, headbutted, nipped over nothing - even just looking at him can set it off. my daughter is into throwing things, heavy things but she is so implusive you have no clue its coming. my sons beahviour you get some warning and sometimes can stop it. but these days if i dont do as my son says right away even on the simplest of requests (such as he asked for a drink in his bottle and i could see it on the sofa, so i asked him to get it and he said no and he tried to puch me in the face but i stopped him this time)he starts to raise his fists at me and will have a good go at punching me, that makes me worry about the future when he is bigger and much stronger than me.
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We're just going through this as well with my son who's only 4. We've now got a social worker from the disabled childrens team who says she's going to help us. She said we needed to have a small safe place in our house & whenever he hits/hurts anyone find a safe space and just say no hitting and shut him straight in there to calm down straight away & wait till he's really calm & then let him out & go back to playing without mentioning it. This was not as easy as it sounds! - we couldnt find anywhere to shut him. I asked for a proper safe space tent thing & they said no. At the moment I am shutting him in his room, holding the door & door handle shut (although its dangerous carrying him kicking & screaming upstairs & the social worker said I couldn't do this). Its working a bit. He totally trashes his room but it seems to take a bit less time for him to calm down now than it did at the start. The social worker said to get a pop up tent from argos & try putting him in that - I'm not convinced as I can't see how I'd get him in it & think he might just fight his way out through the side of it in the first use but I'll let you know how I get on. I think, like you all say that they don't realise just how violent the rages are even though they're only little!
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Hmm the social worker thing is not going so well Sad I don't think she understands what its like at all. She had the idea of coming after school to take us places like shopping etc that normally we wouldnt attempt. I said I wouldnt take him out that late because it would disrupt his routine too much & he wouldnt sleep. She had already referred me to someone else to try to cure his sleeping problems (I dont think its possible but she did this to stop me arguing for help in the holidays when he's up 24/7 because obviously "curing" him is cheaper than providinghelp) & I had to do sleep diaries etc so I said seeing as this person had said our winding down & bedtime routine was great I didnt want to go messing it up by taking him out which I'd never do.
She said she would help me pick him up from school instead. Then she tried to make him leave the playground & tried taking him by the arm (he doesnt like being touched) so he had a tantrum & then holding him when he was having a tantrum. In the end he had a long tantrum on the school steps and was hitting her with teachers coming out to ask if they could help me. It wasn't even a very big one though because obviously he was tired after school so wasn't hitting as bad as he would at the start of the day or in the holidays.
Then he wanted me to come and get him off the steps but she said no make him come to you because otherwise he'll think he's won. That went on for ages too.
Then he was so upset he had to do all his little rituals on the way home of putting stones in bushes and tracing round letters and numbers etc.
By the time we got home (its a 5-10 minute walk) it was well over an hour later, my little girl had a soaking wet nappy that had gone through to the buggy and had lost a shoe & the social worker had to go because she was late.
She said I should put a wrist strap on him for walking - I said he would NEVER wear it (he used to lie down & refuse to move even when we put reins on him) - she said that if I said he would never wear it then he never would & I must think positively!
I phoned her & said that the reason I phoned her was for help and because I couldnt cope with the constant tantrums that he starts without provoking more of them all the time, especially with the holidays coming up where he is bad anyway & its not very practical with my little girl. Now we have to go in & see her with her manager. I'm kind of regretting asking for help now - because it never IS help just more work arrrgh!


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