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Noah was my 1st child and by the time he was 9 months I had already fallen preg with my daughter. It was shortly after her birth that I started having concerns about Noah re Autism. But like others have said, I have never known it any different and just deal with it. I now also have a 14 month old son too and I do feel for my daughter. She has had to grow up pretty quick for a 3 year old. She is a the age now where she is aware that her big brother is different and often plays him (ie she knows his triggers Dodgy) So often uses them when she is being naughty as she knows I have to deal with him when he has a meltdown (crafty isnt she!) She does get jelous of the attention the boys get but I always make sure we do something together on our own.
Its not easy and most days are a struggle esp being a single mum, but I am lucky to have a lot of support around me.
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Wow, thank you everyone for sharing your experiences, it's really interesting to hear how you all cope, not to mention inspiring. I wish i could reply to everyone :-).
I think my main concern is 'being selfish'. Like you said Daniel, the subject is very much taboo, although we do often get people saying 'he'd love having a sibling'. I know it would help Max in so many ways, especially to motivate him. I just don't want to not be able to give Max the love and attention he needs. Physically though it worries me how i would cope being pregnant as Max is quite a big boy now, almost 2 and isn't crawling or walking (although he's an awesome wriggler Smile) so he needs carrying a lot so that'd be difficult but my other half is brilliant so I would have support.

The other concern is the 'what if'.......
We've been told by our geneticist that we are at no greater risk than any other couple of having a child with a genetic abnormality. Max's chromosome deletion is very rare and it's apparently just 'one of them things'. However we have been told that if we were to have another baby we would be offered the CVF testing, i think this is done around 8 weeks. This is another dilema! I don't know whether i'd have it, if everything was ok genetically i would be more relaxed but if it came back there was an abnormality i'd struggle i think.

Has anyone had this test??

Thanks again to you all, it means so much to be able to get help & advice off people that can relate. X
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Me and Lucy was offered the testing but the reality was we would have not got the results until he was around 20 weeks im not sure if thats because of the condition.
This would have given us a major dilema as such and we decided not to go ahead with it.
However a part of me wishes i had because we had the 3-4 months of worry afterwards waiting for test results wondering what if etc.....
As his condition does not show any symptoms until 6 months there was no way of knowing at birth.
This choice was also critisied by family members Sad
A way ive come to look at things is that although we would all want the perfect birth with no worries we just never know whats around the corner.
When we had Euan before we were aware of the condition he was in SCUBU with RDS and this couldnt have been prevented and we nearly lost him then.
So no matter what planning we as parents do and undertake to avoid conditions there could be other things we were not expecting.
So my advice to people is dont beat yourself up over things and dont allow family to do it as i know how that feels but follow you and your partners life choices and dont worry about any issues you face from outside.
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My eldest daughter was born prematurely due to me having pre-eclampsia. She is now 5 and has cerebral palsy. She is dependent on us for all of her care and is a happy, fun loving, giggling little girl who loves life, enjoys school and loves her little sister. Erin's sister Macy is almost 2 and an absolute delight. We are blessed with two wonderful daughters. The thing is children develop so quickly and become increasingly independant on a daily basis. Macy can now feed herself breakfast/lunch/dinner, drink herself, asks for what she wants, helps to get herself dressed, tells me when she needs the toilet, when she wants a nap and loves helping her big sister too. It isn't hard for us to look after our two children; we just get on with it, this is our "normal", this is our life and we don't know any different. Having our second daughter is the best thing we have ever done.

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HI I have had 2 more children after having Lucie. I have to say it's like being a first time mum as everything is so different! When i got pregnant i was very scared as as much as i hated the idea and after lots of discussions with my partner we decided if the baby had the same as Lucie then we would terminate the pregnacy thankfully everything was fine! I feel that there are benefits of having another child after having one with a disability, one of the reasons we decided to have Kayleigh was to give Lucie a bit of competition. We were told she may never walk or talk, so by bringing in a sbling for her we gave her someone to learn from. Also i think i had to have another baby as i felt it was my fault that Lucie was born with her disability and i suppose in a way i wanted to prove i could do it right. That probably sound really selfish but it helped with my depression. I blaimed myself for everything Lucie had been through and has to go through as she still has a long road ahead of her. It can be hard work having a small child in tow when doing hospital trips especially when you have to wait around in waiting rooms for hours on end, but i think the companionship is worth all teh stresses and strains! Louisex

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