hi, THANK YOU! it never occured to me that there might be a pattern to his negitivity.
it always FEElS so constant.
i think i will keep a diary from tommorow - there are certain things i know he is anxious about (trips in the car, bed time, bath time, coats and shoes on time - funnily enough never food)
time line cards help with these.
maybe there are other areas im missing. i guess "no" is sefer than "yes" in his world.
this has been really helpful - thank you for your replys

I know that when i used or use even now the word no to my son he always has an outburst. My son is 16 now and the word has always sent him into a rage of one sort or another. We got some help with problem when he was about 10 as the no word triggered so much anger in him he was at risk of having no school placement. We learnt how to say no without using the word. eg we can do that tomorrow, or i dont agree with what you have said. or we can come back next week when you have collected all your credits and buy that toy. He responded so much better almost straight away. I still make mistakes and very rarely i still use the no word but only for extreem situations where you must stand firm. He understands now that the word no is related to me feeling strongly to him not doing something usually saftey or me trying not to allow him to make himself look silly to other teenagers. He is trusting me more to help him to make good choices. But we do still avoid the no word where possible.