hi everyone we have just learned that our sons class teacher has told the whole class that our son has autism and that his brain works differently from theirs (our son attends a mainstream school) we as his parents are very angry because we havent told him he has autism as hes only 7 and we wanted him to feel like he fits in with the other children yes he says he knows hes different but we have told him that being different makes him who he is and that he should be proud of who he is.

he has been bullied since nursery and he is still being bullied now and now that the bullies know he has autism its going to make his life twice as hard. we had told his teacher in private meetings that we havent told our son and she agreed not 2 say anythin now we find out she has told the whole class we dont know what 2 do. our son asked what is autism and why was he born with autism and why did he have to have autism these are questions that we arent prepared to answe ryet as we are still tryin 2 get our heads around it as he was only diagnoised 4 months ago.

what do we do we cant go in and kick off because its done now we are just so angry that they didnt consult with us 1st because we would of said a firm no 2 her doin it.

Hi Ambie,
I fully understand your anger. Having agreed something with the teacher, and then find they have acted behind your back, makes you feel that you can't trust them to carry out your wishes. Life is hard enough in mainstream school without your child being told 'that his brain works differently'. I really feel you must set up a meeting with the school, to include the teacher, and explain why you are upset and ask why the previous agreement was not adhered to. This is important as, if you are ever going to be able to trust them again, they must understand that your wishes are your wishes and must be respected.
Every family is different in how they deal with their children's needs and diagnosis. The only thing I would say is that perhaps it is time for your son to start to understand his condition. You are the only one who knows he is ready for this but sometimes, by avoiding the subject, the issue can become much bigger than it needs.
My Daughter has global developmental delay and severe learning difficulties, and cannot understand yet that she has special needs. However, my eldest Daughter has started to ask us questions about why Matilda can't speak and why she isn't going to the same school as my Eldest. I, and this is only my opinion, feel that I would prefer to be open with my Eldest, in the least scary language possible, so that she can gradually come to terms with it and also accept Matilda for who she is.
When Matilda is old enough, and can understand much better, I hope to discuss her special needs with her and make her understand that she is different and not less. By learning to love ourselves and know that our Parents love them no matter what, is a huge step in dealing with life problems. I am absolutely not saying that this isn't the way you feel, and there may be other issues as to why your Son isn't aware he has Autism, but perhaps this could be the start of something positive in him dealing with his Autism.
I hope the school will listen to your concerns!
xxx

I can understand why you are angry!! This is something we know we'll have to deal with when Jack attends mainstream primary school. He goes to a mainstream nursery now but as he's only 3.5 yrs old we haven't had to deal with the explainations yet.

Like you said - it's done now and you can't ask the teacher to undone what's already been said. 4 months is very soon to even be dealing with the whys and what's yourselves never mind having to think about answering all your son's questions.

All I'd say is you're going to have to face it head on now with your little boy. Answer him honestly and if you don't know what to say to him - tell him you don't know but you'll do your best to find out for him. Tell him he's very very special and sometimes that's hard for other people to accept and understand.

There'll be books tailored to his age group, I'm sure, that will help explain his condition a little bit more to him. Can you ask your Health Visitor or Paediatrician to suggest anything or any groups that he can meet other children like him?

The bullying part will have to be dealt with quickly by the school - and I'm sure you've already been in about it - but I'd be in again, expressing your 'disappointment' that the teacher has taken it on themselves to tell the whole class. Have you spoken much to the teacher about why they did it - do they think it would help the class understand and accept you son's condition better?

It's no easy road to go down and I know you'll be wishing he was 'normal' like all the other Children in his class (first day I took Jack to nursery I was a wreck seeing all the other Children running around and chatting to each other and playing whilst Jack just looked confused), but he's special and he's special for a reason and all he needs right not is for you to be strong and love him unconditionally - just like you already are! Lots of luck to you all. xx

hi all thanx 4 ur replies we really dont know what 2 do we was going 2 tell our son wen he was older that he has autism because hes going through so much at school with the bullying that we didnt want another thin 4 him 2 get his around and deal with as hes findin it hard enough with the bullying which we r tryin 2 sort out but the school r refusing 2 accept hes bein bullied. thin is hes only 7 and many ways he is still 7 but he has the mind of a 12 year old which makes explain thins 2 him that mcuh harder. we just wish his teacher had spoken 2 us about it before she went ahead as we deff would of said no way not yet. we dont have the answers 2 his questions and we fell guilty because wen he looks at us his eyes r sayin why dont we have the answers. we have a few people we can talk 2 about this but im heartbroken Children are not Children 4 long these days and we want him 2 have as normal childhood as possiable and we feel this will not happen now im so angry ive done nothin but cry which i dont want 2 as im 5 months pregnant with my 3rd child and its a boy and im also worryin that he might have autism as well everythin is gettin on top of me xxxx

it wont help with your son at the moment but i was reminded of when i went to visit my sons special needs college before he went and my friends son was there and complaining about another lad who was making noises, then another lad came over to friend and said can you stop your son from slapping his hands, the fact was they recognised that they were around disabled people but it didnt enter their heads they were there because they were disabled themselves as they got older it just became second nature that they were different from others but that others were different too.
perhaps the teacher was trying to explain to the bullies why he is different though by no means do i think she was right to do this without consulting with you first especially as its still new to you and you are trying to get as much info as you can before you told him (tbh you will always learn new things i am still learning and matt is 18 and was diagnosed 15yrs ago)